Four Months

Wow, it's hard to believe, but it has been four months today since I was fired from "the bank". I certainly don't miss it, but I think the most odd part is that "the bank" seemed to be my life for ten years. That was who I was, "the girl at the bank". It's so weird that now I am just Jodi.

And, as much as I don't want to return to work and would love to stay home, I am usually embarrassed to reply to "Where do you work" with "I'm not working right now". It makes me feel like people automatically look down on me like I'm a bum, and really, I sorta am- haha.

I am scared to death to go back to work. I am not afraid of working, just scared that I am going to get stuck in a rut again- a job that I hate, that sucks the life from me. And, if that does happen, I will be stuck until I can find "the right job". The one that will make me happy. And, seeing how it's already been 4 months and I have no prospects of getting "the right job", getting out of a bad job won't be easy. I won't be able to just quit and wait for a better one to come along. I had that luxury this time since I was terminated, but that won't be the case if I quit. No unemployment to hold me over while I search.

So, as Eric and I dream about becoming the owners of our "dream home", a 13 acre mini-farm with just about complete seclusion, I realize that I've got to get myself back to work. If we can even think about buying this place, or even living comfortably in our current house, I've gotta do it.

The classifieds are sitting here on the computer desk in front of me. There are 3 positions that I am going to apply for, but really only 1 seems decent; one that could turn into a career. The sad part is that I'll be lucky to even hear back from any of them.